Article 3- April 2025
You've Got Questions... Kelsey's Got Answers!
Answers to commonly asked questions in relationships and dating
by Kelsey Shinnick-Goddard, University of Kansas
Why would I want to be in a romantic relationship and date people?
Romantic relationships can be really special. They give you a chance to connect deeply with someone, share experiences, feel loved, and support each other. But dating isn’t the only way to find connection—friendships and family relationships can also bring a lot of meaning. If you want to date, it’s about finding someone who sees and values you for who you are.
What if I don’t want to date or be in a relationship? Is that okay?
Absolutely. You don’t have to date or be in a relationship if you don’t want to. Some people aren’t interested in dating at certain times—or ever—and that’s completely valid. You get to choose what’s right for you, and your worth is not defined by your relationship status.
How do I catch the attention of someone that I like?
Be yourself—and don’t be afraid to show interest! If you share a hobby or are in the same class or group, use that as a starting point to talk or spend time together. Asking someone about what they like is a great way to connect. Confidence (even if you’re faking it a little) is attractive, but remember, if someone isn’t interested, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
How do I talk with my partner about my disability?
It’s okay to take your time and share what feels right for you. You can explain your disability in a way that helps your partner understand your needs, but remember—you don’t owe anyone your full medical history. A good partner will care about learning what helps you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.
No one will date me because of my disability. What should I do?
I know it can feel that way sometimes, but your disability doesn’t make you less worthy of love or connection. Anyone who can’t see how amazing you are is missing out. Focus on building confidence, finding people who respect and value you, and remembering that the right person will care about you—not just what they see on the outside.
How do I gain confidence in myself?
Confidence takes practice. Try focusing on the things you’re proud of—your skills, your interests, your kindness. Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Sometimes, trying something new (even small) can help you feel more capable. Remind yourself that you have value just as you are.
I want to talk with someone about my sexuality, but I don’t know who to talk to. Who would you suggest?
You’re not alone in feeling that way. A trusted adult—like a teacher, counselor, or family member—might be a good starting place. You could also reach out to a local LGBTQ+ center or an online community that feels safe. Some disability organizations also have groups or resources for talking about sexuality and relationships.
What tips do you have about being successful in a relationship?
The biggest things? Communication, respect, and trust. Talk openly about your feelings and boundaries, listen to your partner, and make space for both of you to grow. A good relationship is a team effort—you both deserve to feel valued, heard, and loved.
Kelsey is married and has been in a relationship for 15 years. She and her partner were together for 7 years before getting married, taking their time before deciding to get married. She has a 23-year-old stepdaughter and a 2-year-old son. Kelsey has a type of muscular dystrophy that makes her muscles weak, and she uses a wheelchair when she’s out in the community. She works as a disability researcher at the University of Kansas.